Freedom of expression, genuine caring, a bridge to our authentic, wild selves, a place of expanded consciousness.
That is what most of us want in sexual connection.
But things can be confusing.
We aren't taught what healthy sexuality looks or feels like!
Often times, there are past sexual scripts and experiences that have created patterns in our bodies and in our behaviors. Those well-worn grooves make it hard to experience new pleasure pathways, new ways of connecting, and creative interactions.
A trauma is a place where it becomes impossible to remain connected in and to the present moment.
Trauma is a part of the human condition! Healing is also a part of the human condition, and we have the capacity to transform difficult experiences into a wellspring of personal and spiritual power.
Trauma occurs when there is a rupture in our boundary system and our capacity to metabolize an experience is compromised. While a birth experience or sexual encounter may not look traumatic from the outside, your experience of that event may have registered as traumatic in your system.
Trauma can look like incurable yeast infections, vaginismus, repetitive unhealthy or undesirable relationship patterns, infertility.
We don't have to go digging into the skeletons and unearthing all the details. No one wants to "dwell" on the past, and go over things they would have liked to heal and move on from long ago, but at times, our organism retrieves things for us to have another go at completion.
Why book a Trauma Healing or Somatic Experiencing Session?
- You want to have an orgasm or expand the type of orgasms that are possible for you.
- You want to stop experiencing pain or chronic infections.
- You haven’t felt the same since you gave birth, or had an abortion, or a miscarriage.
- You are having a memory of a repeated violation.
Although talking about sex or seeking help for it can seem intimidating, it is often the most direct route towards transformation and healing. Many of my clients have been in years of talk therapy and couples counseling, but without placing the body at the center of the experience, they have not been able to break certain patterns, have an orgasm, or ask for what they want in the moment. It’s the difference between peeling the layers of an onion, and going straight to the center, coring this onion and then letting the layers fall.
In this way of working, with the body as the locus and focus of experience, we understand that wisdom and understanding are the byproduct of freed-up energy, rather than an archaeological project to dig for.
Meaning arises out of a deeper capacity to feel, connect, and be present.
Past experiences and cultural messages can impact how and who we feel safe and interested in connecting to. Parsing out what is affecting our sexual choices as well as the sex we are available for isn’t easy to do alone.
“Trauma” itself is a heavy word. The opposite of trauma is resilience, wholeness, and freedom.
Trauma leaves residue that keeps us from experiencing pleasure, connection, and intimacy. Understanding this intellectually is different than offering our physiology an opportunity to “tie up loose ends” and learn new ways of resolving what has been left dangling or in a repetitive loop.
Often times, in order to have the capacity to honor your full sexual expression, there are past sexual scripts and experiences that have created patterns in our bodies. Those well-worn grooves make it hard to experience new pleasure pathways, new ways of connecting, and creative interactions.
Trauma is a gateway to healing. The opposite of trauma is robust resilience. Most of our greatest artists, teachers, and innovators have endured incredibly adversity and often trauma and their ability to transform that material into strength shows in a seasoned spiritual and human maturity.
Every single human being on earth has trauma. It's an interruption of our ability to stay in the present moment, anything that lags or is not harmonized on the layers of body/mind/spirit/soul/psyche. Rachael Maddox has called it an" embodied interpersonal violation hangover." Ale Duarte called it "an open loop."
I am constantly looking at new ways to define trauma, to use other words so that we can recognize our own human experience and magnetize or be magnetized to the resources we need, to the conditions that will allow us to close the loops and repair the gaps, to fill in the missing frames.
Lately, many people have been telling me their stories and then telling me how they are "lucky," that "it's not that bad" compared to other people's situations.
All of those statements happen in the mind, and they are largely attempts to keep ourselves from feeling the depth of our pain or sorrow. We may have white privilege, we may have class privilege, we may have had homebirth privilege—the animals of our bodies don't actually understand mental and philosophical constructs like privilege. What those constructs contribute to on an individual healing level is a lot of confusion, shame and guilt, that in spite of everything we "have," we may have still experienced helplessness, hurt, anger, or outrage or collapse, or whatever it is that our system felt. We actually cannot control those responses.